Script Writing - First draft analysis

First Draft Questions

I feel that through my 1st draft that the structure is quite good as I have 3 different story lines going on through the play and all have their own issues and are resolved and all are linked in some way or another. I feel that the characters that I have created all have an individual personality and all have things to deal with that revolve around a dance school. I have 6 characters which have the most involvement in the story line with added smaller characters to support the others which contribute to the scale of the performance and add to the content otherwise I felt I would have been too restricted with what I could write with only a few characters. As this only my first draft the dialogue I feel I need to go over and correct grammatically and make sure that it isn't rushed and flows nicely and isn't too simple- this meaning that it creates interest and isn't just everyday boring conversations it needs to have interest. 

I need to develop the dialogue between characters and make sure that the conversations between characters aren't too simple and aren't false in the sense that the dialogue isn't too much like its written and being spoken I want it to be realistic and have the dialogue saying things would be said in a normal conversation. For example I have a quote saying "Performing is my life and all that I have ever wanted to do" which I feel isn't a natural thing to say in a normal conversation, so I need to go over the dialogue and check my language choices and the way character's lines are phrased and written. I need to add
more to my first draft, there is a monologue that the character 'Danielle' says which I haven't finished yet so by the time my second draft is finished I need that to be finished. I also have no ending to my play currently so this is something that needs to have a further development and improvement to my second draft.

For my final piece I would like to achieve a full script which is finished beginning to end with fully improved and developed scenes and characters with a clear story running through the play. I feel it would be a really good achievement to know I have the capability to write a script and be able to put my imagination into a performance and especially this story although the scenarios in the play haven't happened to me but they have all happened around me in the dance school I have been a part of since the age of 2 and a half so I felt these situations would make me inspired to write a script about.

I have made notes as to where I would like scenes to be set and a few lighting choices but I feel I could do more to this and add more details to the directions in the script.

Link to first draft of script